


But I Do

by BangtanSoloOfPotter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond, Love, Reylo - Freeform, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Trailer, Understanding, compassion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 07:29:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21132950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BangtanSoloOfPotter/pseuds/BangtanSoloOfPotter
Summary: Rey knew that this would happen, after all, she was alone and meditating. With her friends all in the Falcon and her supposed nemesis sat in front of her, the intimacy they one had flickers back into existence. 'People keep telling me they know me, they don't' 'But I do'.





	But I Do

**Author's Note:**

> So we've all seen the new trailer, and if you're anything like me you had a breakdown for approximately 4 hours and have gone through several boxes of Kleenex. 
> 
> PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THEY KNOW ME BUT THEY DON'T 
> 
> BUT I DO
> 
> Laid ease when I tell you I screamed I mean I SCREAMED!
> 
> I genuinely couldn't contain my excitement so I decided to write this small one shot based off of the trailer. Also, there's a few little bits in here from the new trailer that has been written as speculation on twitter. So of course, I doubt I'll have got anything right, but I wanted to write this to help get the excitement out of me. 
> 
> Enjoy!

His eyes held nothing she had not seen before. A thousand and one emotions in familiar yet distant eyes which glanced upon her as the force buzzed around them with life. They held interest, they hadn't bonded since before she'd left for Pasaana over two rotations ago and so they gazed over her form as to perhaps gage her standing with him. She knew her eyes must hold a similar look, for she too was trying to assess his mood. 

He seemed to be calm, or at least he wasn't glaring and throwing things around like their last bond session. She'd stated that she'd wanted nothing to do with him and the bond, a fit of hurt had rolled over her skin as she remembered the throne room over a year ago. The pain he'd caused her then, the deep-rooted torment that she'd suppressed all this time had reared it's ugly head and cursed him out until the bond broke and she'd been left alone. He'd been so angry, but not towards her, it was all at himself, it always was. For some reason, he was never angry at her...

His eyes did soften when they saw her, she could see it in the dilation of his pupils. His shoulders seemed to tense momentarily before relaxing as he breathed in. With Kylo, she'd learned to inhale the future and exhale the past. She'd not wanted to, but getting to know him more through prolonged silences or shared dreams, and seeing the conflict that had caused him to break so often, she'd had no choice but to feel pity and sorrow, thus understanding him. He'd said to let the past die, he'd said she should move on, that it will free her if she did. It was too late before she realised he was right. 

"Are you alone?" He asked her, his intense gaze never straying from her own eyes, both of them connected not just across the stars but in the moment, soul to soul. He clearly was, not in a meeting or flying his tie around the galaxy in pursuit of the Resistance. She too, was alone. Everyone else was alone, Finn, Poe and Jannah were with Chewie playing Sabacc and the droids were shut down for the evening. Rey was outside the Falcon, meditating. Or at least she had been until the force shifted around her and he appeared. 

"Yes" She quietly replied, fearful of the pent up frustration she may possibly be on the receiving end of. He'd had time to grumble and stew in his anger at himself. Despite knowing it was not aimed at her, she still felt insecure about the situation. Things could change, he might flip a switch. He had so much defiance within him, it had shaken the stars with it's energy and emotion. She remained collected however, the need for nothing to go wrong strong. "Everyone else is in the Falcon"

He visibly faltered at the mere mention of his father's ship. Rey almost felt bad about it, but there was a stubborn and darker part of Rey that wanted to make him suffer about it, even though she knew he was already suffering. His spirit was split most of the time they'd bonded, and so Rey's darker side had never showed itself. She accepted this part of her now, she had learned from Luke that she could control it, that she could rise above that small part of herself. She only wished Ben would accept the light within him, allow himself to bath in the energy of the thousands of Jedi that came before them both. 

"You look sad" He said out of the blue, pulling her away from the intensity of his eyes and focusing on his mouth. It always amazed her at how well he could read her, even without the force, he just managed to know the exact thing to comfort or confuse. He never said anything she did not understand, it was what frustrated her the most about him. And so, noticing her slight solemn demeanour, he'd spoken words which had hit deep within.

"I'm fine" She mumbled, not wanting to open that can of worms up right now. "Just mediating"

He did not believe her, but in all honesty she did not need him to believe her. She just needed him to accept her answer and stop talking. She closed her eyes and tried to tap into the force once again, to feel it's beautiful light around her, to feed off of it as her body recovers from the scraps and bruises of the day. Closing her eyes gave her respite from staring at Kylo. Not that she couldn't do it, there were worst sights to stare at. She just needed to not be consumed by his presence. His sudden appearance shouldn't stop her from doing her studying or mediating or sparring, whatever she would've been doing had he not arrived. 

She struggled however. 

Closing her eyes and letting the force in only led to his image flooding her mind, filling her every thought. She tried to not think on him, despite him being with her physically and mentally. She tried to think about Finn and the imminent birth of his and Rose's baby, she thought about Poe and his determination to lead as well as General Organa and she tried to think about the mysterious Jannah they'd met along this crazy adventure. All of them only thirty odd feet away from her inside the falcon, and yet they felt a million constellations away. Yet Kylo, who was a long way away, felt closer than any other organism in the galaxy. 

She opened them again, and her eyes connected once more with his dark brown ones. 

"You're struggling" He said, not as a question but as a matter of fact. Rey is once again dumbfounded by the accuracy with which he speaks to her. "You're unable to keep it all together, something is wrong"

"It's none of your concern" Rey replied in hope of shutting him up. 

"Everything to do with you is my concern" He was almost shouting, his authority rolling over her and leaving her speechless.

Rey had no idea what this sentence meant, a million different things running through her skull as the gravity of his words weigh on her heart and lungs. The simplest form of the sentence was that her was concerned about her, what brought out the concern within him was another question. Was it because of his need to find her and hunt her down, that her every movement and emotion was of his concern so he could use it all against her? Or was it concern in how she was concerned with the Princess health as of late. Rey did not think he'd got it within him to show her that kind of emotion. No one ever had. 

"It's not-" She cut herself off, not wanting to rise to his bait, wanting the ground instead to swallow her up so she doesn't have to keep trying to avoid conversation about what was going through her head. She couldn't let him in for one second. 

"I know you, I know that you love the ocean, that the smell of grass and trees makes you feel better. I know you love taking broken things and fixing them, I know you feel intense loneliness and try your best to busy yourself wherever you can so you don't think about it. I know you, Rey. I've seen it in your dreams" He speaks slowly and with purpose, to unnerve her and create doubt in her mind.

She wondered why he could read her like a book, once again unsure as to how he managed to make her feel completely open. She breathed in deeply, trying to remain as calm as possible while she looked him in the eyes. She mulled over what he said, it wasn't particularly shocking stuff to know about a person when she thought on it. Everyone in the resistance knew she liked to tinker with things, and she'd made enough comments about the green planets she'd been to for them to know she liked grass. But the way he said it, so factually and so raw, it resonated with her. Still, she tried to be defiant. 

"People keep telling me they know me" She finds confidence in her throat, a steely glare she faced while speaking with her brow furrowed and her hands gripping her knees. Kylo's eyes rolled over her hands as they grip tightly. Many people told her that they know her. Poe and Finn think they do, but they know the Jedi not the girl who was alone behind the Jedi. "No one does"

She watched as the smallest of smirks appear on his mouth, almost unnoticeable, but there none the less. She watched as his lips, swollen slightly from what seemed to be a slight cut, gather in the right side of his face, a smile wanting to break free. Rey didn't know why this had an effect on her, but it did profoundly. "But I do" He replied with confidence. "Oh, I do"

_Stars above. _

Rey didn't know when it had happened, but suddenly, the fresh air around them both turned to a temperature that crept across her skin with intent and brought with it a smothering sensation. His word, his confidence... it all made Rey flush a little from the unexpected nature of it. And once again, she was proven wrong and he was right. He knew exactly what to say to prove his truth. She wasn't afraid of him, she never was after Starkiller. She was afraid of the things she wanted to feel about him. When two people are suffering, a string of fate can draw them together.

Without them noticing it, they had both slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered, an intimacy that only they understood within one another. An intimacy that even without the bond, would've been there either way. Rey wondered if this was a common feeling amongst people who meet for the first time, if they healed one another's broken wounds without realising. She didn't have this sensation with anyone else, and she certainly couldn't control it with Kylo. She just ignored it, she had too. But now it peaked it's head again. Images of what could have been, the throne room had he come with her, or even if she'd accepted his hand...

"You forget that we're the same, you and I" He is on his knees, as he had been when they first connected, but now, he was also clenching his hands against his knees. His voice is like deep honey, it was always a voice that spoke softly to Rey."You forget that when no one else did, I gave you comfort and have done, time and time again" He wasn't wrong, their shared hand touch wasn't the only time after the happenings in the Throne Room. There had been several occasions, even with small things such as fixing the lightsaber again. "There's only one difference between us, and that will never be rectified, for I've lived with it for too long"

"A-and what is that?" She is almost scared to ask, the answer she might find could make or break this conversation. 

"I don't hate you" The truth out of his mouth was so clear and concise that he did not need to continue. He hated himself, and somewhere deep within Rey, that hurt. His mind was prayed on and poisoned, he was abused and used by others, people have tried to murder him over and over and he was forced to do drastic measures. Rey can understand his pain, she understands hating himself over the loss of his father, but he wasn't of sound mind. Never while in the dark has he ever been. And that caused Rey unknown hurt in her heart to hear. 

She doesn't know if she should, but before she can control it, the name falls out of her mouth. "Ben..."

"Don't" He responded almost immediately, the sharpness of it causing Rey's body to jump fearfully. Rey never took her eyes off of him, his face showed struggle, a fight over himself happening, trying to gain control. Rey wanted to reach her hand out again, to show him that he was right, that everything between them, the intimacy they've created, the connection they shared meant she knew him too. But she was so scared to even move a muscle. 

He closed his eyes and Rey found her breathe taken away, he thoughts betrayed her. She looked as his eye lashes blew slightly in the wind around them, as the feint line of the scar she gave him danced up his cheek and through his brow line. Leia was right, he was handsome, very much so. And just with that one thought, a whole fleet of feelings came crumbling down around her. The skin on her bones tingled with possibility and fear. She wanted to open up now, the opposite to what transpired in her mind mere minutes ago. The truth, laid out around her. She felt for him. She was scared for him. She...

She would _die_ for him. 

_Kriffing heck_, Rey thought. She felt her own body move as she slowly and quietly crawled closer to him. Despite her being quiet, his eyes flung open as her saber fell off of her belt and rolled across the ground. Rey was a deer caught in headlights but she made no motion to stop. She only did so, when her own knees where practically touching his. His eyes were moving about quite frantically in his sockets, a wash of fear that Rey felt rolling over the man who was so confident minutes ago. 

"You're right, you do know me" She confessed. "And I know you, Ben" She placed a hand on top of his on his knee, feeling the connection of their skin, the warmth of his large hand in comparison to her tiny one. She feels his emotions, confusion, fear, surprise and most unbelievable of them all... want. "I know you love the colour of my eyes, I know you love writing in old form and I know you enjoy the quiet. I also know you're also suffering from intense loneliness. I've seen it too, in the dreams I have about you"

Her words made him flush for the smallest of seconds, reality of their truths laid about before them. "You missed out something..."

"Oh?"

"You" He sighed, taking her face in his large, ungloved hands and pressing his lips against her own. 

Rey's mind did a special song and dance, a firework display of emotions as she tasted musk and forest. Rey couldn't believe how accurate Rose had been when describing a kiss, when Rey had ask, sharing her insecurities about never having shared something like that with someone, Rose did not disappoint. _One day you will kiss a man or woman you can't breathe without, and find that breath is of little consequence, they will make you feel immortal with just one kiss_. And it was true, she was scared to stop the kiss, for what if she never breathes again, what if she never feels his lips on hers in this way again. _What if I never get to feel this elation ever again? _

Rey, as a result, moved her own hands from his knees and moved them around his neck, for wanting him to be closer, for wanting the feeling to be all over her body not just in her head and on her lips. They had indeed formed an intimacy like no other, from which they knew each other better than anyone could imagine. This kiss was like nothing Rey had before experience. Years on Jakku had prepared Rey for the tests of becoming a Jedi, but nothing in her life had prepared her for the sensation of Ben's plump lips on her own, moving in a synced rythmn. It was the kind of kiss that could inspire armies to fight, bring down governments and tyrants, it could inspire stars to light up the sky for eternity. 

Rey would end everything if it meant Ben could light up her dark for an eternity, she would fight for him, free him, give him whatever happiness she could give so they could do this all day. He knew her, she knew him. And she didn't know how long left this galaxy had at tipping point, but their kiss could save lives. It had to. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, leave a Kudos and a comment. 
> 
> Also follow me on twitter @ShazyloRen. 
> 
> Loves you!!


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